Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas!

Hi There!

Merry Christmas to all!!!!! I got preeeeeeeeeessssssseeeeeeennnnnnnttttttsss!!!!! I don't have any photos yet, but I got a fox-shaped rope toy, a big and juicy bone and a bag of salmon sticks! Oh...and my best friend sent me a yummy treat! Thank you best friend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Christmas was very nice and some of my humans let me "help" them open their presents! And get this...I wasn't forced into wearing reindeer antlers for the WHOLE DAY! Whoopee! Anyway...I just wanted to say Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is what's happening woof now,

C. Dork Dog

Uh Oh...it's the Holidays!

Hello There,

As I am sure you are aware, it is the Holiday season! The time for panic, loud singing, itchy sweaters and food that I can't have! The only bright spot is the treats I get in my stocking every year...but otherwise, this holiday stuff is MADNESS! I've been beaten and forced to wear dreadfully ugly clothes and I hang my head in shame! And those strange lyrics to their insane holiday songs are driving me BONKERS! "Holly jolly"? How is anything about the holiday season JOLLY? Hannukah isn't so bad, as I don't have a Hannukah SWEATER and they don't have antlers for Hannukah. And Winter Solstice isn't bad either, once again, no sweaters. But Christmas and New Years are creepy, too much mistletoe and confetti. As far as I can tell, all New Years is about is loud noises, screaming and confetti. I hate all of the above. Christmas wouldn't be all that bad if it weren't for the...reindeer antlers! Would you like to see a picture of me all decked out in my "holiday attire"?

Don't a look like I'm positively GLOWING with glee? Yeah, torture at its finest! You don't even know how annoying those antlers are, and every time I take them off...
NUTFREEG PUTS THEM BACK ON! She says I must be a reindeer for the whole season. Oh great! And the sweater is impossible to take off on my own! So I am at the mercy of my crazy humans!!!!!!!!! SOMEONE HELP!!! Want to see another pic?

 

   This one isn't so bad, as the santa hat was digitally edited on me. Don't I look proud? He he

                                     Yeah, not the most flattering pic of me...

This is what's happening woof now,

C. Dork Dog

PICS!

Hello All!

Today, I was lounging by the fire, so I told NutFreeG to take some AWESOME pics of the ONE AND ONLY DORK DOG! (That's moi!)

Here they are!!!

                                          Um...what is with the ghost eyes?

                                           Devil Dog! TEETHY!!! Aren't I scary?

                                     Me...being extremely lazy by the...warm...nice...fire...aaah...

FACE SHOVE! He he...it looks like I'm shoving my head in the fire...I am totally not that stupid though!

                                           Thinking deep, dark thoughts...

                                    He He...me.

This is what's happening woof now,

C. Dork Dog

More...Look!

Hi People!

Another LOOK...I give thee...



THE EYEROLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


This is what's happening woof now,

C. Dork Dog

DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!

Hey Folks!

It is all rainy today.

I hate rain. I hate it a lot. It sucks and...I am so very much boring you, aren't I? Let me take away your stupid boredom by giving you my evil idea for...TAKING THE INTERNET FROM CATS! Here are the plans:

#1: Get more dog people to go online (after taking their walks and stuff).
#2: Eat cheese puffs on every third Tuesday at 1:55 AM
#3: Start a blog especially for Internet-taking-over and plot.
#4: GATHER AN ARMY!!!!!!!!!!
#5: Order the troupes of that army to post as many dog photos and memes online as possible in a small amount of time. Growl scarily.
#6: SNACK BREAK! Eat bacon pie with yogurt-y bits!
#7: Have army start as many dog blogs as there can be.
#8: start SO many Pinterest accounts about dogs.
#9: Dog Facebook pages.
#8: AND FINALLY WE MAY DOMINATE THE INTERNET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I even have a promising speech I will give to my army...here it goes:

Dogs of earth (and beyond), please listen clear with those fine ears of yours! We must rise up against the awful tyranny of unfair treatment of internetness that the cats have created! They act as if they dominate because of this feat, we will show them DIFFERENT! GO DOGS GO DOGS GO DOGS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DOOOOOOOOOGGGGSSS!!!!!

See? Isn't it awesome...I plan to have cheerleaders for the GO DOGS part!!! Yippee YAY Yippee YAY!

This is what's happening woof now,

C. Dork Dog

Outrageous Sausage Problems!!!!!!

Hiya People/Dogs of the World!

Do you know what is utterly UNFAIR? THAT DOGS DON'T GET SAUSAGE FOR BREAKFAST WHEN HUMANS DO AND THEY HAVE TO HAVE STUPID OLD DOG FOOD! Now...that is the most unfair thing in the history of unfair unfairness! This morning, my humans were eating their delicious breakfast of pancakes and....DUN DUN DUN: SAUSAGE! And I only got a little nub of LEFTOVERNESS! I am the Dictator of the house, but yet I am treated unfairly like some sort of animal! Gosh...I am going to protest! As you may have noticed...I am not in a particularly sparky mood this morning...I'm feeling a bit like I want to MAKE THOSE WHO'VE DENIED ME SAUSAGE PAY DEARLY!!!! Grrr...

This is what's happening woof now,

C. Dork Dog

Another one of my plans....

Hello My Evil-Doing Friends,


 have yet ANOTHER plan to take over the empire of squirrels!!!! This is what will happen this time (and I'm certain it will work...):

#1. Set up a Facebook account.
#2. Get lots of likes on Facebook.

SEE? Isn't it brilliant? Don't get it? Here...I will explain...

I've read about tons of people that want to do stuff, so they get likes on Facebook...and then they do the stuff!!!! So if I get a bunch of likes for squirrel-taking over...then VOILA! I will get to do it without any trouble. Facebook likes work like magic!!!

This is what's happening woof now,

C. Dork Dog

I declare myself King of...something...

Hola Fellow Dogs/Dog Lovers,


I wish I was King of Everything...or at least King of Something. I obviously rule the house (even though my humans think THEY do) but that isn't a Kingdom, it's more of a Dictatorship...and wellllllll...that's super cool and all, it doesn't have the same ring to it as "KING OF EVERYTHING" Does. Plus...that's just ma house...not everything. Sighs...why don't my dreams come true? Like in books and all...I wish I was like a super cool dude dog from books, who got anything he asked for and is like...I dunno...awesome (not that I'm anything less than epicly awesome in every way!!!!!) I also just noticed that the internet seems to be ruled by mainly CATS...and well...cats aren't as annoying as squirrels...they still aren't as epic as dogs are. Which is why WE the DOGS should TAKE OVER THE INTERNET!!!! BWAHAHAHAHA! Now...how to actually set my plans into action...I'll have to get back to you...

This is what's happening woof now,

C. Dork Dog

Happy Birthday to Me!!!!!!!

Howls to all! All you lovely readers must wonder, how many years have I dictated this glorious earth? 7 WHOLE YEARS! That's right folks...my wondrous awesomeness has been around for 7 years! I bet you are wondering how the world survived without me. Anyway, my birthday was great...presents, meat and extra-attention...who DOESN'T love that? For presents, I was presented with: a stuffed and highly squeaky platypus toy, an "everlasting" (it took me like an hour to eat it all) chew treat inside this rolling rubber ball, and of course: A bag of thick-cut bacon treats! I also go Yummy from my grandparents (as I told you in a previous post.) In the morning, I sprawled out on the couch with one of my people and let myself relax. I got to do that all day (I couldn't go to the Dog Park because it was raining...and I HATE rain!) When I  recieved my gifts, I played with them for hours and then took a nap on the couch. After my people at their dinner, they sang me "Happy Birthday" and gave me a meat muffin. Anyway, my birthday was a sucess!  Here are photos:
                                           Me!!!!!!!

                                          Moi playing with my new toy!!!!

                                         My platypus toy!

                                               Me again!

                This is what's happening woof now,

C. Dork Dog

It's almost...

It's almost by 7th BIRTHDAY!!!!!!! I will be exactly 7 YEARS OLD on Sunday! I got a present from my grandparents (well...NutFreeG's grandparents...but I'm basically her little fuzzy brother, so they are mine too!) Anyway, my grandparents sent me this little stuffed thing that I COULD tear into tiny shreds...but I don't want to. I like it a lot. I named it Yummy and it is the best little toy!!!! NutFreeG took a few photos of Yummy and I, especially for you wonderful readers! Yes, sadly she and the rest of my people, know about my blog now. Buuuuuut...back to the point! Pictures of Yummy and I playing! Here they are folks:
                                                 
                                           That...the thing with huge eyes...is my dear little Yummy:)

   Accidental funny pic!! NutFreeG and I were playing...and my ears went all "WWAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!" and it was fun!!!

                                           MEEEEE!

                                           Yummy smiles a lot, even when I bite his ears. He he!

                                            Me...being ME!

Anyway, about my birthday...I hope I get a GIANT steak and bacon flavored cake with salmon frosting!!!! Oooooh...and shredded cheese on top! That would be soooo good! I will probably get presents from my people and maybe my friend...but we don't usually do b-day presents. We just occasionally send each other delicious treats and sticks. I have to go now, and introduce Yummy to Snakey 1 and Snakey 2...and Fox Kong and Boney Bone:)

This is what's happening woof now,

C. Dork Dog

Another point of view...

I was thinking...maybe for another point of view...you could visit a neighboring blog for me? It's a cat's blog, but we agree on SOME things...for one: Squirrels are BAD! This cat (named Pickles) has a post on squirrel safety. Even though us dogs can just bark and chase the squirrels away, it's best you have a safety plan just in case. If you would like the opposite point of view...visit Pickle's blog at:

www.purrfectlypickles.blogspot.com

This is what's happening woof now,

C. Dork Dog

Awww...please!!

Aww! The camera loves me so much...but I am just so tired of the photos and the publicity...a vacation maybe?

This is what's happening woof now,

C. Dork Dog

Deer!!!!!!

Have you ever seen a deer? Well, I have. They are complicated creatures of complication and oddness. No one understands deer but deer themselves. It all comes down to the question that has been constantly asked about different furry creatures, "Is it food or friend?" this is one of those strange matters that may never find an answer. The only creature that has been determind by the dog council of awesomeness is the squirrel. That thing my friend, happens to be food.

This is what's happening woof now,

C. Dork Dog

Well...

Well, everyone likes a frog-legged ghost dog!

This is what's happening woof now,

C. Dork Dog

Things that are just wrong...

Hello Wonderful world!

Despite the the awesome things, some stuff is just plain wrong. I have a list (with photos) of the things I declare as wrong. (Frog brains would be included...but I couldn't find a picture of frog brains, sadly...)

My List of Suprememly WRONG items:

                  No Treats: this is just a violation of life. There should ALWAYS be treats.

                                     Squirrels: they are just...ewww! Squirrels are wrong.

                                           Empty food dishes: These. Are. Horrible.

            Minions: These things are just WEIRD! Seriously, it's a little yellow cheese-like thing that makes it so humans don't have to  do any work? That is basically what humans are FOR! Work and fun for dogs. So Minions go against that, therefore they are WRONG!

  Wet Days:  UGH UGH UGH! I hate wet days! If I want to go to the bathroom, I have to get SOAKED! Like, why is that? Because it is RAINING, POURING AND SOME OLD MAN IS SNORING! I don't even get that song...

Anyway, I am sure you agree completely with my wonderfully put together list of wrong stuff. See you later:)

This is what's happening woof now,

C. Dork Dog

Photos of me!

Some splendid photos of the one and only Dork Dog.
                                            Me, with a funny taste in my mouth...

                          My BOOK! I will do a review on this book once I have finished it.

                                                Me...

                                   Mistake picture...my tongue is halfway out of my mouth...

                                           I look wonderful in hats...

                                         Me in a hat...I am mysterious...ooooohhhh

                                         And finally...DUN DUN DUN...ME AS MYSELF!

                                             This is what's happening woof now,
C. Dork Dog

Playing and How Weird Human's are!

Hi!

I LOVE TO PLAY FETCH! My humans take me to a dog park and throw my tennis ball! I could fetch it all day! Anyway, I love playing! Play play play play PLAY! I like to play with my BFF who is a little black and white dog! Sometimes we talk about how weird humans are, like how they don't give us enough meat and how they only have hair on their heads! Then we launch into a full out conversation on how they should bow down to us! Did you know that they actually think THEY are the OWNERS? I know, crazy right? It's obvious WE the dogs are the ones in charge! They FEED us and GIVE us things! We get to be served and they have to do all the work! Who's the one in charge here? Dogs of course!!!! Also, if you just make HUGE puppy eyes and whine softly, they will give you almost anything you want! The only thing I have not been given that I need yet is a throne made of bacon and my own little personal mini fridge and...OK you get the point, sometimes humans don't catch on easily.

This is what's happening woof now,
C. Dork Dog

My Plans...

Hello World!

Today I am going to talk about my plans to take over the squirrels! I am not giving away too much in case you are an UNDERCOVER SQUIRREL AGENT! So here a basic plan:

Step #1: Gather a army of dogs.
Step #2: Once I have an army, train them in the ways of the squirrel.
Step #3: Hire seamstresses to make SQUIRREL SUITS!
Step #4: Go undercover as squirrels and take over from the inside!
Step #5: Have everyone bow down to me!

Oh...I kind of see now that this plan isn't going to work...oh great...back to the drawing board I guess.

This is what's happening woof now,
C. Dork Dog

I'm a Poet!

Hi there!
I have been feeling real POETICAL (like my big fancy word?) today. So I have going to write a poem about life. (one again, if you are NOT  a dog, this will seem like utter nonsense)

Wag Wag by C. Dork Dog

Sniff sniff!
Slurp! Slurpity Slurp!
Sniff sniff!
Yawnnnnnnnnnnn...
LICK!
Sit, stay. Fetch now.
Sniff sniff.
SQUIRREL!
Sniff sniff.
Slurp, sigh.
Sniff sniff.
Doggy day.

Like the poem? I am SUCH an AWESOME poet! Aren't I?
Here is another poem DEDICATED to a certain dog with the first name that starts with S:

Sniff! Lick! Sniff!
Wag wag!
Sniff! Lick! Sniff!
Play Play Play!!!!!

This is whats happening woof now,
C.Dork Dog

Dogclan!!

Hi!

So I was thinking, there is this book about cats that live in "clans" and fight bravely and stuff. While I was thinking that there should be DOGCLAN! I should be the leader Dorkstar! Our ENEMY clan can be SQUIRRELCLAN, and their leader is Tastystar! And my Dogclan is much braver and smarter that Squirrelclan! Because DOGS RULE! And my deputy can be Sunnytail! Great idea? Yes I think it is! I always have great ideas though, so it isn't much of a surprise:) 

This is what's happening woof now,
C.Dork Dog

I am KING!

Hello World!

Today, I deem myself the king of everything! Now no one can stop me! Bwa ha ha ha ha! I rock! Bow down to your new king! Serve me steak and bacon and salmon! I RULE! Squirrels will be banished to mars! Dogs will rein in this glorious age!  Join me, you will be rewarded!

This is what's happening woof now,

C. Dork Dog

Story!

Hello World!!!!!

It is I, DORK DOG! I have come to tell you a EPIC story of a BRAVE dog...

Once upon a time, there lived a brave and noble vizsla dog named C. Dork Dog. He was very awesome. One day he decided that he would conquer the world and sit on a bacon throne! So he fought the EVIL squirrel king and defeated him! Then sat on his bacon throne and ruled forever more!

Did you like my story? In case you haven't guessed...that dog was me!

This is what's happening woof now,

C. Dork Dog

Lazy days...

Today I am having a lazy day...here is a photo:
                                     This is me, being way to tired to even pose for a photo.

                                                 This is what's happening woof now,
C. Dork Dog

Another LOOK!

Here it is:

The "  The ugh, that is gross look"

                                         Yep. Sometimes, when I see a squirrel I get that look. Or when I see my humans throw away some old food. They should just give it to me. I don't care if its old and stale! It's STILL FOOD!

This is  what's happening woof now,

C. Dork Dog

ME! In my awesome photo shoot!

Hi!!!!

I just had a wonderful photo shoot! I hope you like it!

                         Uh...Never mind this picture. I'm kinda eavesdropping at that moment...heh heh

                                           YUM! Nothing better than some delicious TOE!

                                    ME! With my TOYS! I LOVE TOYS!

                                            Why yes, this is my beautiful paw!

                                          I'm so macho, aren't it?

                                           Getting ready for a nap...

                                         Wow, I'm tired!

                                           my toy! He looks like he's plotting something. Doesn't he?

And that was my photo shoot! I am very awesome! Yes! Yes I am!

Until next time!

This is what's happening woof now,

C. Dork Dog

The Look....

Here it is:

The "I love you and you have bacon" look:

Yes, this is me with that look on. Aren't I fabulous?

Also, a message to a certain dog.

Tail wag.
Sniff sniff.
lick lick.
sniff sniff sniff sniff snuffle sniff.

Dogs are so awesome! With are own language and all! Humans don't speak dog! But I understand exactly what THEY are saying! Ha! That makes us smarter! DOGS RULE!

This is what's happening woof now,

C. Dork Dog

Today...

Hi!

Today my humans left for a long time. I was very bored. But I did manage to sneak onto the couch, so that's great. Sometimes I feel betrayed, because my human NutFreeG is reading a book about cats. I am still not sure what my opinion is on them, but I don't think that my humans should read about them. What could be more interesting than dogs anyway? I also have happened to write a poem today while I was being bored. Here it is. (if you don't speak dog, you won't understand)

Slurp Slurp.
Sniff sniff.
Slurp.
Lick lick, sniff.
Good boy.
Good boy!
Sniff, slurp, lick!
SNIFF! Sniff sniff.

So, that was my poem folks. If you are a dog. You probably understand my feelings here. If you are a human, then your probably very confused. If you are a squirrel: GO AWAY!
Anyway, I wanted to discuss another thing today: Cheese. Why is it so delicious? It isn't meat, it's like some kind of alien object that makes my mouth water! Like that strange plant called Catnip that cats go crazy for. Cheese is so wonderful! Sometimes my humans will secretly give me half their string cheese, or feed my bits of shredded cheese. They say I'm "spoiled",  in my opinion, I'm just awesome. Sometimes I stare at what my humans are eating for dinner, and I wonder why I don't get it too! Like, I'm a living thing too! I deserve the right to eat whatever I want! Don't I? Hey! I just had another one of my BRILLIANT ideas! We should have an election! One where we elect a dog ruler (I'd be great at it, don't you think?) and he helps get us fair rights and stuff. Like being able to sit on the couch and eat anything we want! I would certainly get the most votes, since I am by far, the smartest and most accomplished dog there is. But, forget that for now, I will do more thinking on THAT topic. Anyway, I hope that you keep reading my AWESOME blog! Because, otherwise, you will miss out on all the doggy news! And that would be terrible! Right? So, bye for now!

This is what's happening woof now,

C. Dork Dog

Rats, Cats, Mice and other furry animals. What are they?

Hello Again!

I am here to discuss the topic of small furry creatures. What exactly is a cat? Is it a smaller odd looking dog? Is a rat a little puppy? Or chew toy? Or dinner? What is a mouse? Are they all things that have stemmed from the great Dog? I am so confused. I have never met a cat before, so I have no idea what they are like. I have rats that live in my house, but my humans never let me get close enough to see if they are lunch or friends!! This needs to end! Maybe I could call some kind of meeting of furry creatures? The only problem with that, is that squirrels are furry, so they would come too! And I don't want them interrupting. Because I know what they are: chase worthy and tasty looking. Maybe I could put up a "NO SQUIRRELS!" sign? Or post guards at the entryway? Another problem with the meeting, we have no where to hold it. And I am not sure how all creatures would get there, since there humans wouldn't let them come. Another problem. Some dogs chase cats and some cats chase mice and rats! AAH! So many problems! Lets just forget it. I will just have to remain wondering.

This is what's happening woof now,

C. Dork Dog

Welcome!

Hello and Welcome to my blog!

I'm Coltrane, the super awesome Dork Dog! I am here to give you all the doggy news of awesomeness! I am a Vizsla, which is a breed related to pointers. I am ginger colored and I have very soft ears! I am here to give my opinion on EVERYTHING! From bacon (which is awesome) to squirrels (which I REALLY want to chase.) Here are a few rules of my blog.
 
#1: My humans may not know of my posts. They might try to post too, and this is my blog for DOG business, not human. So no telling anyone! OK? Ok.
#2: I have a policy. No squirrels reading this blog. Because then they might know my evil plans of taking over their world. And then the plans wouldn't work, because they would be prepared. So NO SQUIRRELS!
#3: I am not just a dog. I am known to all as Coltrane the Epically Awesome Dork Dog! Address me as my title.

And those are the rules! If you are not a squirrel, you will address me by my title, and you won't tell my humans. You can read this blog! Come back soon!

This is what's happening woof now.
C. Dork Dog