My Humans Do Not Understand Life

Hi World-of-Bacon-Makers-Who-Refuse-To-Give-Me-Their-Meaty-Bacon-y-Awesome,

I fear I do not come with good news. No, my news is very tragic indeed. I have made a terrible discovery. Humans do not understand life. It's sad really, the way they don't understand  that when the squirrels in our backyard twirl their tails, they are actually planning revenge on the Human Clan for cutting down all of their nut trees. And though I love trees, because they smell good and I hear I would be dead without them, I am on the side of Human, because if they didn't have us dogs, they would have no one to explain the worldly ways to them, and then the ants would takeover, which would suck. Anyway, back to the topic at hand, which is: HUMANS BEING COMPLETELY BONKERS!
               Yesterday, I was yelling at my humans for being stupid and they kept cocking their heads and being all like "Why are you barking for no reason? What is your problem? Are you feeling needy?" and I was just like "I AM NOT BARKING FOR NO REASON, I AM BARKING BECAUSE YOU ARE STUPID AND I WANT STEAK! ALSO, YOUR ENTIRE RACE IS DOOMED." But they were all "Poor puppy, do you need more water?" And I gave up and pretended I WAS a poor needy puppy, because they pet me, and I love when they do that. But, FYI, I am NOT needy!
         So, humans are a bit dim, but we dogs love them anyway. But do you know what's funniest? THEY think WE are dumb. Isn't that crazy? Their little minds are so self-conscious about their unwillingness to understand Life and all of its Rules and Wars and stuff that they have trained themselves into thinking they are the smartest race. I feel so bad for them, not knowing that they are soon to be dominated by, like, squirrels or bees or something. The polar bear WAS going to take over the world, which would've been cool, but, you know, they're going extinct and all, which doesn't really help with the scheming. Dogs WOULD take over the world, but we've already got humans trained to do exactly as we please. Cats don't have the brains to take over the world, plus they're too lazy. Squirrels, though evil, are probably the best bet. Which means I should maybe stop trying to kill them all and get on their good sides (Do they really have good sides?), because I do not want to be killed when they takeover. That would be bad. Very, very bad.
This is what's happening woof now,

C. Dork Dog