My not-so-humble apologies (and a wildebeest-including plan.)

Dear World,

I fear I have failed you! I have not blogged in such a long time. I feel like a majestic king who had let down his loyal subjects! I must redeem myself! And what better way to do it than an evil plan? 

"MEAT!" You howl. Well, that is true, meat is better than evil plans. But since I can not have a virtual meat feast with you, evil plans are second best.

And this time I've cooked up a grand scheme that will blow all of your little minds! I, the genius you know, have become EVEN MORE genius than last time! Now, I am unveiling a wonderful plan that will rid my domain of the EVIL BIRD! 

Brilliant, right? I believe I have informed you that a vile, loud substance has entered my home. A tweeting, yellow, flying demon who calls himself "a bird". But he doesn't look like any of those common brown things that fly outside! He has beady eyes like a bottomless pit, sharp and scaly feet that make me shudder, a beak like a knife and long, soft yellow and green feathers. He is out to eliminate me and my people, I just know it. But my humans are not convinced, they call him "birdie" and ooh and aww. They think he is but an innocent little thing, who would never harm a hair on their foolish heads! I've done everything in my power to change their minds, but it seems that the bird has brainwashed them! So now I must take matters into my own hands, with a plan like never before. After I'm done with him, that bird will wish he'd never been hatched! 

Plan:

Step #1. Get humans to leave door to the bird room open. 

Step #2. Get humans to leave house with the bird room door open.

Step #3. Acquire a chainsaw.

Step #4. Creep stealthily into the bird room, unnoticed by the demonic presence. 

Step#5. Chainsaw way through bird cage.

Step #6. Call upon herd of crazed wildebeest who owe me a favor.

Step #6 and 1/2. Find out how to get wildebeest to owe me favors. 

Step #7. Have wildebeest trample bird in a majestic and awesome stampede.

Step #8. Get rid of wildebeest.

Step #9. Have a celebratory bacon-eating party.

Step #10. Quickly scuttle to the couch, jump up and pretend to be innocently sleeping before the humans get home.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, puppies and dogs, is my foolproof and totally awesome plan. Isn't it a work of pure brilliance? Sometimes I wonder HOW I come up with this stuff! Once again, I am a genius. 

Have I redeemed myself now? Has this plan made me a better doggie blogger? I hope so, as I took months to create. I will update you when it has been completed.

This is what's happening woof now,

C. Dork Dog