I should be re-named The Idea Dog

World,

I have just had the most brilliant idea in all of dogdom. 

It struck me while on a long car trip with my humans, and I instantly knew I was the dog equivalent of Einstein. 

I am sure all of the dogs out there sympathize with what I like to call "the big problem #2" (the big prob #1 is that I STILL don't have a throne of bacon!) the big problem #2 is our food. Dogs all over are forced to eat the strange kibble-y stuff that our humans say is "food", though they refuse to eat it themselves. We have been given this no-good dirt-food for years, and though hundreds of dogs have pondered a way to get rid of this horrid feeding system, I, Dork Dog, have found the solution. And, my dear doggy companions, this is it.

My solution? Refuse to eat the kibble-stuff! If you don't eat it, they will be forced to feed you delicious bacon and heavenly steak. We, the dogs, will finally eat like kings and queens. 

This is what's happening woof now,

C. Dork Dog

Glorious Pictures of Me!

Hello Again World!

I know I have redeemed myself with an evil plan, but since you have not seen pictures of me in a very long while, I am here to give you some. One cannot go without my adorable face for too long without suffering. I am, indeed, happy to display photographs of the awesome dog I call myself.

    Me, on a hike with my humans.

Me, being the most adorable creature to grace this universe.

    Me, being tired.

    Me, being tired AND adorable.

My not-so-humble apologies (and a wildebeest-including plan.)

Dear World,

I fear I have failed you! I have not blogged in such a long time. I feel like a majestic king who had let down his loyal subjects! I must redeem myself! And what better way to do it than an evil plan? 

"MEAT!" You howl. Well, that is true, meat is better than evil plans. But since I can not have a virtual meat feast with you, evil plans are second best.

And this time I've cooked up a grand scheme that will blow all of your little minds! I, the genius you know, have become EVEN MORE genius than last time! Now, I am unveiling a wonderful plan that will rid my domain of the EVIL BIRD! 

Brilliant, right? I believe I have informed you that a vile, loud substance has entered my home. A tweeting, yellow, flying demon who calls himself "a bird". But he doesn't look like any of those common brown things that fly outside! He has beady eyes like a bottomless pit, sharp and scaly feet that make me shudder, a beak like a knife and long, soft yellow and green feathers. He is out to eliminate me and my people, I just know it. But my humans are not convinced, they call him "birdie" and ooh and aww. They think he is but an innocent little thing, who would never harm a hair on their foolish heads! I've done everything in my power to change their minds, but it seems that the bird has brainwashed them! So now I must take matters into my own hands, with a plan like never before. After I'm done with him, that bird will wish he'd never been hatched! 

Plan:

Step #1. Get humans to leave door to the bird room open. 

Step #2. Get humans to leave house with the bird room door open.

Step #3. Acquire a chainsaw.

Step #4. Creep stealthily into the bird room, unnoticed by the demonic presence. 

Step#5. Chainsaw way through bird cage.

Step #6. Call upon herd of crazed wildebeest who owe me a favor.

Step #6 and 1/2. Find out how to get wildebeest to owe me favors. 

Step #7. Have wildebeest trample bird in a majestic and awesome stampede.

Step #8. Get rid of wildebeest.

Step #9. Have a celebratory bacon-eating party.

Step #10. Quickly scuttle to the couch, jump up and pretend to be innocently sleeping before the humans get home.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, puppies and dogs, is my foolproof and totally awesome plan. Isn't it a work of pure brilliance? Sometimes I wonder HOW I come up with this stuff! Once again, I am a genius. 

Have I redeemed myself now? Has this plan made me a better doggie blogger? I hope so, as I took months to create. I will update you when it has been completed.

This is what's happening woof now,

C. Dork Dog

I am doomed.

I, Dork Dog, am scarred for life. 

Why, you may ask, am I so terrified? Here is why:

I have been socked. Sock-i-fied. I am forever ashamed. Why didn't I stop the sick torture of socks? Why? I may never know.

This is what's happening woof now,

C. Dork Dog