Good Evening World,
My people moved to a new house. Which has its ups and downs. Ups: big good-smelling backyard full of grass to chew on and things to chase. New Smells. Downs: My people are bird-sitting! While their friends live overseas for a while, they are watching a pet lovebird. And I can't eat it! I'm so confused. I can't eat the rats and I can't eat the bird. Two gourmet meals right under my nose and I'm not even allowed a little bite!
Also, one of my people was saying they're going to shave off all my fur, make me eat catfood and make me a hairless cat! I don't want to be a hairless cat! Cats are weird and strange and almost as bad as squirrels! And they lick themselves all day (I definitely never ever do that. And if you see a dog that looks exactly like me licking himself, it is my evil twin Ferdinand.) I'm pretty sure my people were joking...but what if they weren't?
I can't stop thinking of the bird! It's loud and annoying and feathery and juicy and...I WANT BIRD STEW! This is not fair. It is my right as the dog to rid my house of all pests. Birds and rodent-things are pests. But I am forbidden to follow the sacred code of dogdom! What shall I do????????
On the upside, my people took me on a nice walk today. I got to sniff things. And I wrote a poem:
Sniff Sniff Sniff
Wag Wag Wag
Sniff Sniff Sniff
Wag Wag Sniff
Isn't it beautiful? I tear up everytime I read it. I should be a poet, and I know it! Ha ha...get it? Maybe I'll write a book and have it published. I'll call it The Totally Super Awesome Life of Dork Dog and it will be the bestest best-seller that's ever been best sold! Every dog and human in the world would read it! The squirrels and cats would all envy me! I'd finally sit on a throne of bacon, eating a bone made out of cash! I can see it now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I'm a seer. Since that is obviously the future. Maybe I'll become a professional seer as well. I am multi-talented! I can do it all! Every single thing that has ever been done, I can do BETTER! I will rule the world!!!!! TO THE DRAWING BOARD!
This is what's happening woof now,
C. Dork Dog
